Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Billy Ray's New Mexican Mocha (Workout Routine)

Boil water on the open flame or propane stove. (Tip: If your propane regulator is frozen from precipitation, while not recommended, you technically can dump boiling water on it to melt it and free up the gas line. It hasn't exploded yet...) While water is heating up, do twenty pushups, twenty crunches, five sets of mountain climbers and run in place or do jumping jacks until water is hot. Gingerly pour 12 ounces into warm Mason jar (if your jar is too cold it will bust...oops) with 2 tablespoons coffee, local from La Montañita Co-op or Ancient Way Cafe if you have grant money, otherwise Yuban in a big can is fine. Add a dash each of cardamom, cayenne, nutmeg and a few dashes of cinnamon.

You may decide to pamper your mountain mullet at this point to a little deep treatment with some olive or avocado oil. This is the desert after all, honey, we have to stay moisturized! Thanks Ma!

Let coffee sit in hot water while dancing like a superstar to one Lady Gaga song in athletic pants, a sleeveless tee, wrist warmers and a silver chain. If you're feeling really spunky and want some serious caffeine, follow it up with an ABBA song and include lots of spins and two finger air thrusts.

Strain with muslin or a tea strainer into whatever's fairly clean and jar shaped, add heaping spoonful of unsweetened cocoa and one heaping spoonful of local honey. Yes, alas, I am a honey purist, and perhaps this seems somewhat silly considering my apparent lack of concern with coffee and cocoa, but when you're financially challenged, you have to pick your battles. Stir and enjoy! You're now ready to haul water, chop wood and run through mountain valleys! Some would question whether you should drink coffee at all and your siblings might question your sanity, but here's to having a blast! Rock on, kings and queens!

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